Great Irish Soccer Quotes: Part 2

George Hamilton

Next up in this wildly popular mini series is George Hamilton. For those that don’t know George he is the main commentator on RTE’s soccer coverage, both international and Champions League, and is also the undisputed king of the metaphor. They actually call him in Spain La Metáfora Matador, I don’t think I need to explain what that means

On Ireland vs Holland, September 2001

The orange tide is lapping against the green door which refuses to open.
George is all at sea with this maritime metaphor.

Glum Oranges. In fact I think the fruit their feelings are more akin to is a lemon.
The coup de grace from Ireland’s defeat of Holland.

We could let them score one now and they wouldn’t have time to score another.
George perhaps reveals why he choose commentary above coaching as he comes up with a novel way of running down the clock.

Statisticians have blamed George for 87% of goals the Republic have conceded since he began commentating, as whenever he praises Irelands mean defence they almost always concede

That should be NO problem for the defence – OH NOOOO!!
A familiar refrain.

Poland have to score twice now to draw and they will not do so.
The Poles duly knock one in. Minutes later…..

I might be tempting fate but I can’t see the Poles Scoring…OH NOOOO they just have!!
Of course Poland got the draw

Packie Bonner has gone 700 minutes without conceeding, Oh no danger here!
And Ireland concede yet again

Miscellaneous

Real Madrid are like a rabbit in the glare of the headlights in the face of Manchester United’s attacks. But this rabbit comes with a suit of armour in the shape of two precious away goals.

Undoubtedly the greatest ever commentating achievement, and probably the single greatest sentence ever uttered, George’s classic reaction to some flustered Madrid defending during their Old Trafford win a few years back, will – as he might say himself – live long in the memory.

Just not far enough under the crossbar.
You’re right George, Ian Harte’s free kick in fact hit the crossbar – giving it an underness factor of oh let’s see… not under at all.

He wasn’t aware of the pace Gary Kelly would bring to that procedure.
So complacent were the Irish against Andorra, some of them began to practice medicine mid-game.

He caught that with the outside of his instep.
George proves himself as great a master of human anatomy as he is of Continental languages.

And Hyypia rises like a giraffe to head the ball clear.
George alludes to the giant African mammal renowned for its mighty leaps.

What that situation really needed was a little eyebrows.
Multilingual George adds Ronglish to his wide repertoire of languages during the Liverpool – Porto a year back.

Like a tiger stung by a hunter’s dart.
Having minutes earlier lauded Bonner’s long spell without conceding a goal, George is stung by his own complacency. Does anyone know if George meant Ireland were the tiger or the hunter?

What a goal. What a goal! Straight through the legs of Adams, it flew towards the roof of the net like a Wurlitzer! I mean, like a … howitzer
A Wurlitzer is a type of jukebox.

The eiderdown of this 2-0 lead is a lot more comfortable than the blanket of 1-0.
Ireland’s progress gives George a warm feeling.

The midfield are like a chef………..trying to prise open a stubborn oyster to get at the fleshy meat inside.
Reckon Keano would have got the hammer out.

And there’s no telling what the score will be if this one goes in!
George prepares for a Swedish free kick in the last World Cup. The score at the time, by the way, 0-0.

Italy are preparing to make a substitution – and it is, the unmistakable figure…………of Roberto Baggio’
George announces the arrival on the pitch of….. Gianluca Vialli. Unfortunately, the two subs had got their shirts mixed up.

And Ireland have got to contain the brothers Baggio.
George surely was the only one not to know.

The Baggio brothers, of course, are not related.
But at least he cleared it up. Or did he?

And Winter shoots, on target but just wide.
George suffers from a dose of the Fred Cogleys

The seeds of doubt that were sown at the weekend against Egypt have been doused by a dose of Jack Charlton’s almighty weedkiller.
George goes green in Italia 90

He’s pulling him off. The Spanish manager is pulling his Captain off!
Our George thinks THE George as Butragueno is replaced.

Sergen Yalcin is called simply Sergen because Turks like to be known by their Christian names.
George overlooks the fact that 90% of Turks are Muslims.

Referee Norlinger is outstanding in the sense that he stands out.
Oh right.

And the Germans are up the Swanee!!
George gets excited by Ireland’s second goal against Germany in a pre-World Cup friendly, 1994.

Redondo is blocking Roy Keane’s passage.
Could it all be getting a bit too Freudian?

Bless my soul, he’s missed it!
George is disappointed in Simone Inzaghi’s penalty taking skills.

Oh noooooooo! Disaster!
George reacts calmly to Luis Garcia’s second goal against us in USA 94.

You sir, are an idiot!
George politely rebukes Lilian Laslandes after a red card offence.

If that’s not offside, I’m a Chinaman!
George reveals his oriental background after a perfectly correct refereeing decision.

When I said they’d scored two goals, of course I meant they’d scored one.
Of course, George

With thanks to dangerhere.com